Sir Charles, Chuck, Charles, and Charlie
All because of you, Lisa is no longer lonely
Chuck this, Chuck that, Chuck here and there
But so far, I’ve never seen you anywhere

Are you just a figment of her imagination?
Or will we meet in person and let things come to fruition?
I’ve heard that you’re tucked away in Rhode Island
But Chuck, don’t you want to honeymoon in Thailand?

I know where you live, cuz I saw it on Google Map
Your no show at Comedy Night made me cry and my lips chap
I heard you’re a big fan of DVDs and the movie
But please consider supporting ACDC with your money

I feel real bad for you and the Detroit Lions
Don’t you love it when Kitna gets picked and still makes millions
Maybe it’s time to switch your allegiance
Or we’ll have to re-evaluate your intelligence

Oh Chuck, do you know what’s coming at the end of May?
No it’s not a wedding, but it’ll make you pay
Next time you pick up Lisa, please bring food
Otherwise, be prepared to shake my hand and my foul mood.

===

The story behind this piece: My coworker Lisa, who met her boyfriend through an online dating service, seems to be utterly swept away by this dude, Chuck. Nearly everybody in the office is delighted by a daily dosage of Chuck updates on their weekend activities (lots of TV and lounging around) and/or other recreational plans.

But even after a lot of continual pleading from different coworkers, Lisa still persists to withhold the unveiling of Chuck or his picture to anyone. All we know is that he’s this white dude who drives around in a car a lot, and he consumes a lot of beer. Chuck was supposed to attend one of our fundraisers; however, he bailed on us last minute.

I decided to write this poem and e-mail it to him hoping it would encourage him to show his face. To be fair, he did write me a poem-style response (which was very impressive). We’ll have to wait and see if I’ll get to meet white Chuck.

This isn’t just going to be another rhyming couplet
But rather, it’s definitely a product of my creative outlet
Working from the original and unique Manny Lammy creation
Here’s come a whole brand new revision…

There once was a fine man named Manuel Lam
When I saw him, my heart skipped, and it was like “Bam!”
Square face and lean muscle all over the place
My crush on him is certainly not just a phase

Named as one of the top 10 hot guys of the school
And definitely everywhere he went, he was too cool
Almost had the chance to become a Reebok celebrity
But too bad, he missed it, just didn’t have enough ability

I ask him each day if he’s had a good dump
Sometimes they’re good, but sometimes it’s just a lump
I don’t see how exciting the urology clinic could be
But maybe working with poo just doesn’t appeal that much to me

First you got the Cranston-based photo store
Unbelievably entrepreneurial, now he’s going for more
Somebody once thought his sister was his girlfriend
But thankfully, a few years later, she seems to have transcend

Manny Lammy Manny Lammy, you’re now in the house
Do you like country music and listening to Alison Krauss?
Now that you’ve got the whole sushi store down
Are you going to be next big thing in town?

I really hope to go to your wedding some day
Because it is then when I realize the meaning of “come what may…”
Don’t be too anxious about the modeling gig
Just be thankful that you don’t suck, like the Big Dig.

===

Here’s the background story on this piece: I met my friend Manny Lam way back in 2003 through a school group, and after spending a good amount of time with him as friends (which include a highlight of sleeping on the same bed as him and waking up feeling rather awkward), I came up with some lyrics for him. I can no longer recall the lyrics in its entirety, but what I can say is that there was a slight hint of hip-hop with a tad bit of gangster rap (as gangsta as yours truly, an Asian, could get) infused. Needless to say, although the lyrics were somewhat entertaining (as they certainly were to myself), they lacked substance. 

So as I was chatting with Manny one afternoon, I suddenly felt compelled to come up with a 2008 version. This is why you’ll find that the title above has a “2.0″ appended.