Sir Charles, Chuck, Charles, and Charlie
All because of you, Lisa is no longer lonely
Chuck this, Chuck that, Chuck here and there
But so far, I’ve never seen you anywhere

Are you just a figment of her imagination?
Or will we meet in person and let things come to fruition?
I’ve heard that you’re tucked away in Rhode Island
But Chuck, don’t you want to honeymoon in Thailand?

I know where you live, cuz I saw it on Google Map
Your no show at Comedy Night made me cry and my lips chap
I heard you’re a big fan of DVDs and the movie
But please consider supporting ACDC with your money

I feel real bad for you and the Detroit Lions
Don’t you love it when Kitna gets picked and still makes millions
Maybe it’s time to switch your allegiance
Or we’ll have to re-evaluate your intelligence

Oh Chuck, do you know what’s coming at the end of May?
No it’s not a wedding, but it’ll make you pay
Next time you pick up Lisa, please bring food
Otherwise, be prepared to shake my hand and my foul mood.

===

The story behind this piece: My coworker Lisa, who met her boyfriend through an online dating service, seems to be utterly swept away by this dude, Chuck. Nearly everybody in the office is delighted by a daily dosage of Chuck updates on their weekend activities (lots of TV and lounging around) and/or other recreational plans.

But even after a lot of continual pleading from different coworkers, Lisa still persists to withhold the unveiling of Chuck or his picture to anyone. All we know is that he’s this white dude who drives around in a car a lot, and he consumes a lot of beer. Chuck was supposed to attend one of our fundraisers; however, he bailed on us last minute.

I decided to write this poem and e-mail it to him hoping it would encourage him to show his face. To be fair, he did write me a poem-style response (which was very impressive). We’ll have to wait and see if I’ll get to meet white Chuck.